Enemies of the Heart

Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You

By Andy Stanley

I finished reading this book August 3, 2016. It took me about a week to read. This was yet another book that spoke directly to me, and things I've dealt with in my past, and still deal with. It helps explain why we act against our will more times than not, and offers biblical direction to help take charge of those feelings. For me, admitting and confronting these four destructive powers (guilt, anger, greed, and jealously) was an answered prayer from God. There are power in words and books, and I'd recommend everyone pick up a copy of this book and read it. You won't regret it.

"The heart I'm speaking of is that mysterious, wonderful, confusing part of you that enables you to love, laugh, fear, and experience life."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Those things that disrupt the rhythms of the invisible heart linger. If left alone, some will linger for a lifetime. After a while we come to accept these disrupters as part of us, part of our personality."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"But when your public performance becomes too far removed from who you are in your heart, you've been set up for trouble. Eventually your heart — the real you — will outpace your attempts to monitor and modify everything you say and do. The unresolved issues stirring around undetected in your heart will eventually work their way to the surface. Specifically, they'll seep into your actions, your character, and your relationships."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"What God begins at the moment of our salvation is not completed in that same moment."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"If you don't like the fruit that keeps cluttering up in your backyard, the only real solution is to dig up the tree by the roots and eliminate the issue once and for all. If you deal with the source, you've dealt with the problem."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"What's in your heart comes out at home, where you've turned off the “safety” and let down your defenses. That's when the heart exposes itself in the most negative ways to the people you love the most."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"We hurt who we love the most."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"We need to change. We need to change from the inside out."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Our words and deeds are simply gauges of what's going on inside. They indicate where we are, where we aren't, and where we're headed. But the real culprit is the heart. That's where the real transformation must take place."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Somehow what's in our hearts, good or bad, is eventually translated into words and deeds."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"The heart seeps into every conversation. It dictates every relationship. Our very lives emanate from the heart. We live, parent, lead, relate, romance, confront, react, respond, instruct, manage, problem solve, and love from the heart. Our hearts impact the intensity of our communication. Our hearts have the potential to exaggerate our sensitivities and insensitivities. Every arena of life intersects with what's going on in our hearts. Everything passes through on its way to wherever it's going. Everything."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"We cannot control how people treat us. We cannot stop their hurtful words. But we can monitor their effects on our hearts."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Heart issues make intimacy difficult to maintain because intimacy revolves around knowing and being known."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Being known is tantamount to being “found out” or “discovered.” That's a terrifying notion to somebody with secrets. So they build walls. They respond defensively. You can get close, but there's a limit. And if you push too hard, if you insist on getting in — prepare yourself. For out of their mouth pours the junk that always pours out of a mouth connected to a wounded heart. And they'll insist that you are the problem."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Hurt people hurt people."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Life can take the legs right out from under our faith."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Consider the man who runs off with another woman and abandons his family. Without realizing it at the time, he has stolen something from every member of his family. He has stolen his wife's first marriage; he has robbed her of her future, her financial security, her reputation as a wife. From his children's perspective this man has stolen their father and all that a father means to the home. He has robbed them of Christmas, traditions, emotional and financial security, dinners with the family, and so on."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Nothing less than paying that debt will relieve a guilty heart of its burden of guilt. People try to work it off, serve it off, give it off, and even pray it off. But no amount of good deeds, community service, charitable giving, or Sundays in a pew can relieve the guilt. It's a debt. And it must be paid or canceled for a guilty heart to experience relief."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Think about a time when you were really angry. Isn't it true that the entire situation could have been reduced to this simple idea: You wanted something and you didn't get it. In other words, you didn't get what you were convinced you deserved."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"But have you ever had dealings with people who were extremely angry? Have you noticed that nothing you do pleases them? Even if you let them have their way but you don't let them have their way exactly the way they wanted it, you still catch grief. Extremely angry people have already decided you won't get it right before you even try. They can't let you get it right, otherwise they would lose their excuse to stay angry. And they can't let that happen."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"It is when our hearts are stirred that we become most aware of what they contain."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"What's ridiculous is to continue to allow the people who have hurt you the most to influence your current or future relationships. That's not just silly. That's... sick."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"While it's true that you can't undo what's been done, it's equally true that you don't have to let the past control your future."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"There is an appropriate way to use your story. Not as an excuse, but as a testimony to God's ability to free you from the past. When you allow him access to that part of your heart that harbors your anger, something amazing will transpire. Your story will no longer explain your behavior; it will stand in stark contrast to it."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"It requires effort. Sometimes it requires pain. And there's always some discomfort involved. A changed heart is the result of forming some new habits — some exercises for the heart."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"What we all want is to be happy. Most of us think that we can squeeze it out of somebody or something else, but that never works. Especially for the person being squeezed."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"We're tempted to think that happiness is simply a matter of disposition or the product of circumstances. But think about it for a minute. You know people in less-than-enviable circumstances who are genuinely happy. On the other hand, you know people with more stuff than they know what to do with who are never content. Why? Because happiness isn't synonymous with wealth. Neither is it synonymous with beauty, marriage, singleness, or any other external circumstance or relational status."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Secrets lose their power when exposed to light."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Confession is just one step in a sequence of steps that leads the guilty out of the darkness and into the light; it's simply the beginning of a process that ultimately leads to a change in lifestyle or behavior."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"It wasn't enough to be sorry. God was interested in change."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"The truth is, you cannot resolve your differences with God if you're unwilling to resolve your differences with the people around you."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Part of walking with God is making that call you dread making; setting up that appointment you know will be incredibly awkward; writing that letter you should have written long ago. It means humbling yourself, owning up to your part of the problem, and doing everything within your power to make those relationships right."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"The reason you still feel guilty about things in your past is because they're still unresolved. Telling God you're story doesn't resolve guilt because God wasn't the only offended party. Talking to God isn't enough. Your burden of guilt won't be lifted until you confess to the offended party. Then, and only then, can you live out in the open. Only then will you be free from the secrets that have formed walls between you and the people you love most."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"When you became a Christian, you came face to face with the unconditional, undeserved grace of God. If you were like me, it was an overwhelming thing to realize that there was nothing you could do to earn your forgiveness or salvation. It was a gift — period. Nothing you did had any merit. Your good deeds did not, and could not, earn you good standing with God."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"God has forgiven you, but those you've wronged may not have. In fact, they may very well be held hostage to bitterness and anger over what was done to them. You're kidding yourself if you think that everybody you've wronged has simply forgiven you and gone on with their life."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"God paid a high price to reconcile you back to him, and now he's calling on you to pay he price to reconcile yourself to others."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"At some point in the journey, God is going to call on you to turn and take responsibility for your past."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Sure, it's painful. Yes, it's inconvenient. Embarrassing? Absolutely humiliating at times. But think about this: Your Savior suffered a painful, inconvenient, and terribly humiliating death on a Roman cross for the sake of our past and future sins. They weren't even his own. He took responsibility for the sings of the whole world, and he died so that all men and women could be reconciled to the Father."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"... forgiveness is what enables us to be kind and compassionate to people who have given us neither kindness nor compassion."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"In the shadow of my hurt, forgiveness feels like a decision to reward my enemy. But in the shadow of the cross, forgiveness is merely a gift from one undeserving soul to another. Forgiveness is the gift that ensures my freedom from a prison of bitterness and resentment. When I accept forgiveness from God, I'm set free from the penalty of my sin; when I extend forgiveness to my adversary, there's a sense in which I'm set free from his sin as well."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Forgiveness is a way of life for the man and woman committed to keeping their hearts free of anger and bitterness — it's the first line of defense in the face of hurt and disappointment."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"But in the Scriptures forgiveness is never presented as a feeling; it's always described as a decision. Forgiveness is a gift we decide to give in spite of how we feel."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"When memories of past hurts flood your mind, go ahead and face them. Allow yourself to remember the incident. Its' even okay to feel the emotions those memories elicit. But instead of reopening the case against your offender, take this opportunity to restate your decision: He/she doesn't owe me."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Your memories are not your enemies. Memories are simply memories. What you do with them will determine their impact. Truly forgiving doesn't always entail truly forgetting."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"The truth is, nothing can make up for the past. There's an emotional element involved in hurt that cannot be compensated through apologies, promises, or financial restitution. An apology doesn't erase an experience."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Regardless of how much money a person makes, if he leaves himself no margin, there'll be no peace of mind. Worse, if all your money is spoken for before you deposit your paycheck, greed has an all-access pass to your heart. Why? Because any extra that comes in is already spoken for as well."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"If God has blessed you with more than you need, it's so that you can share your abundance with those who have need."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Generous giving will break the grip of greed on your life. So whether or not you think you have extra, give and give generously. You've got to give to the point that it forces you to adjust your lifestyle. If you're not willing to give to the point that it impacts your lifestyle, then according to Jesus you're greedy. If you're consuming to the point of having little or nothing left to give, you're greedy. If you're consuming and saving to the point that there's little or nothing to give, you're greedy."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Giving is the way God chooses to change our hearts. As your heart changes, your attitude and feelings will follow suit. God loves a cheerful giver, but he'll put your money to good use whether you're cheerful or not. My advice: Give until you get cheerful."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"The first check you would write after depositing your paycheck is a check to an organization(s) that supports the work of the kingdom."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"You need to be a spontaneous giver as well. When you see someone in need, give."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Isn't it interesting that the people we hurt the most are those we claim to love the most?"
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"The fact is, the common denominator in all my relational conflicts is ME. The common denominator in all your relational conflicts is YOU."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"The issue in every quarrel is that we each want to get our own way. Owning that makes a huge difference. When everybody involved owns it, the problem usually evaporates."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"If it's important to you, then it's important to God. Because you are important to God."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Every concern, great and small, matters to the Father because you matter to the Father. Whether it pertains to your love life, your career, your marriage, your parents, your children, your finances, your education, or your appearance, bring it to him. And keep bringing it to him until you find the peace to get up off your knees and face the day confident in the knowledge that he cares for you."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"The fact is, God loves you too much to give you everything you ask for."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"God wants you to know him as the source of all good things. And when he says no, he wants you to trust him. And he wants us to learn to take no for an answer instead of taking matters into our own hands."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Our appetites can never be fully and finally satisfied. The question is, are you going to continue anyway to try to fulfill your desire by wringing it out of the people around you? Or will you take it to and leave it with your Father in heaven? These are our only options. One leads to peace, the other to endless frustration."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Ridding the heart of jealously begins with this recognition: The reason I resent her has nothing to do with her. The problem is that I'm not getting what I want."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Our disappointment with not getting what we want or believe we deserve pales in significance next to the fact that we've been given what we most needed. In the shadow of the cross, it's clear: God doesn't owe us anything. We owe him everything. Including an apology."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"God's unconditional acceptance and grace is the very reason we can bring all our disappointments and dissatisfactions to him with boldness."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"To guard your heart against jealousy, you've got to celebrate the success, size, and stuff of those you've tended to envy. You need to go out of your way to verbally express your congratulations over their accomplishments. This must become a habit. Celebrating the success of those you envy will allow you to conquer those emotions that have the potential to drive a wedge in the relationship."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Expressing the truth helps to free you from the emotional bondage that's such an integral part of jealousy."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Perhaps it's good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to have a beautiful heart."
― John Nash
"Home environments mirror the hearts of those who head the home."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"We cannot control everything our children experience, but we can influence how they process what life sends their way."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Other than do all we can to get our own hearts in shape, what can we do to infuse health into the hearts of our children? For starters we can teach them the importance of confession, forgiveness, and generosity. We can teach them to celebrate the success of others. We can pray. We can model good habits. We can make sure they're in church. We can look for teachable moments."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"The questions you ask your children communicate to them what's important to you. The questions you repeatedly ask communicate what's most important to you in life."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"If the heart of your child is important to you, ask your child about what's going on in there. Teach your child to confess, forgive, give generously, and celebrate the success of others."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"Confess, forgive, give, celebrate. These four habits change everything because they free us to express and experience the most powerful force the human soul has ever encountered: unconditional love."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You
"God's truth has a way of finding its mark. But none of that can happen until you give God access to those sensitive, otherwise off-limits areas of your life. If you do, what may begin as a threatening and uncomfortable revelation may result in a freedom you never knew existed."
― Andy Stanley - Enemies of the Heart: Breaking Free from the Four Emotions That Control You

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